My NTL bill for this month smells of chicken. Why on earth does my NTL bill smell of chicken?

He lost to David Cameron. I don’t care either way, really. I don’t vote Tory (big surprise). The thing is, his magnanimous concession speech was as dull as it was toadying. He wants a job. It reminds me of the superb Spitting Image puppets: David Owen and David Steele.

But that’s not what I’m disappointed about. Once, just once, I want a loser in this kind of election to stand up and say “Right, well, if that’s the way it is, then knackers to the lot of you!” and walk off in a pouting sulk. Could happen.

What it is to be organised within an inch of your life by E! All of the Christmas cards are written, and let the record show that it’s only the 5th of December. Spooky.

It might be described as a game: “Leafy-Poooey”, perhaps. Autumn leaves on the lawn from our beloved walnut tree in the garden, interspersed with what seemed like two hundredweight of Despoo. Oh dear. It really is a chore at the best of times to minesweep, but when the leaves are falling it’s Russian Roulette writ large. No wonder I’ve been putting it off.

Five hours, man and boy, bent at the waist, trying with my dodgy eyesight and mercifully impaired sense of smell, trying to descriminate brown from brown. I will be seeing hidden turds when I close my eyes tonight, I swear.

I am now the proud(?) owner of a roof rack for the first time. Oh dear. It’s one step away from the caravan park.

What the heck? I like chocolate, I like sushi, but really… Kooki Sushi

Sadly, it’s not one of mine. That would be because the tackle needed to get the shot is a bit beyond my budget. By a lot. A very lot….

Dione and Tethys

I can see I’m going to have to add a permanent Stuff-I’d-Like-Treasured-Friends-And-Family-To-Buy-Me page to the nascent About section of the site. Handy!

Anyway, it’s about food. Never miss, either giving me food or a means to make nice food. This time it’s some people’s idea of THE Italian cookbook, recently rejigged and translated into English. Who am I to argue? The guy who recommended it to me is a genuine Italian…

The Silver Spoon

Don’t read work email just before you go to bed, if you want to sleep soundly.

Ha! The wonders of modern technology. If you’re one of the lovely people who are in the habit of buying me presents, and you can’t think what to get, how about:

• Pitman – Pit Closure
• Rilo Kiley – More Adventurous
• Jolie Holland – Catalpa

All of these are nice and cheap at play.com :->. Of course, if you’re feeling particularly well-disposed towards me, there’s always seasons 2 to 6 of The West Wing on DVD too…

[Later] Oh dear. I’ve just been told to edit that last part out. Hmmm. Chinny rub. Aparently I’m a b*stard.