Dear Mr. DPD Courier
How can I put this? You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you? Please, please, when I’m out and you try to deliver something, do not tape the card saying “sorry we missed you” to my front bloody door at eye level! You see, it might not cross your mind that there’s anything wrong with that, but as I say, you’re not exactly Richard Feynman. The card says “sorry we missed you” but it might as well say “The occupiers of this house are out. Burglars, help yourselves!” Just put it through the letter box, would you please?
On top of that, while I’m at it, please fix your systems. Both your website and your automated phone system, after a lot of faffing about entering consignment details, can’t connect to your SQL server and so fail. It ought to be pretty simple just to get a few printer cartridges into my sweaty mitts, but it appears not.
Parceline may have changed their name to DPD, but they’re still buffoons.
By the way, what made your phone system think I wanted to hear about a new comedy club in Plymouth while I was on hold? Huh?
[later..]
A new error!

Cobblers.
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June 25th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Oh Well, 25th June 2008 and they’re still just as bloody useless as parceline ever were! Parcels still don’t get delivered when they are supposed to and you still end up having to wait around ALL bloody day for delivery! That’s 2 days of my time wasted so far - Seriously, can this courier company be trusted to deliver goods urgently? I don’t think so!!!