How can I put this? You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you? Please, please, when I’m out and you try to deliver something, do not tape the card saying “sorry we missed you” to my front bloody door at eye level! You see, it might not cross your mind that there’s anything wrong with that, but as I say, you’re not exactly Richard Feynman. The card says “sorry we missed you” but it might as well say “The occupiers of this house are out. Burglars, help yourselves!” Just put it through the letter box, would you please?

On top of that, while I’m at it, please fix your systems. Both your website and your automated phone system, after a lot of faffing about entering consignment details, can’t connect to your SQL server and so fail. It ought to be pretty simple just to get a few printer cartridges into my sweaty mitts, but it appears not.

Parceline may have changed their name to DPD, but they’re still buffoons.

By the way, what made your phone system think I wanted to hear about a new comedy club in Plymouth while I was on hold? Huh?

[later..]

A new error!

Cobblers.

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