When you need a haircut not necessarily because your hair’s too long, but because your flippin’ ears and neck need a good trim. Yuck. Yuckyuckyuck.

I mean, I hate his work. Don’t know the bloke. The reason? Look no further than the line from “Check the Meaning”:

“Paranoia – The Destroyer”

So why not try a meme, for a change. It’s just like the Cosmopolitan sex surveys that we all pretended we never did as teenagers:

Four jobs I’ve had

1. Paperboy. Discovered bosoms etc. by sneaking top-shelf magazines into the papers I was delivering.
2. Dixons. To this day I still sympathise with all shop-workers – it’s tough, even without snotty customers to deal with, and there are plenty of those.
3. DJ: Damn, I miss those days. 88-92 in Manchester was the place to be. Insider tip: if you need a whizz, stick on any old track and run for it. If you need a dump, the nine-minute long “Fools Gold” by the Stone Roses is your friend.
4. Geek. Pays well. Like doing your A-Levels every day. Peachy, if you like that sort of thing.

Four movies I can watch over and over

1. The Usual Suspects even though I know the twist.
2. Blade Runner with or without the stating-the-blindingly-obvious voiceover. I’m pretty agnostic.
3. Am̩lie Рsweet but not sickly
4. Babette’s Feast leaves you with a lot to think about. I mean, I like exploding helicopters and all, but this is really something to get your teeth into. (Sorry – ed.).

Four places I have lived

1. Hucknall. Scene of devastation with clashes between the N.U.M. and the U.D.M. during the Miners’ Strikes of the 80’s, before the pit closed. Not all bad, though. There’s an Aldi where the pit used to be…
2. Manchester. Centre of the Universe at the time. Abdul’s Kebabs were a staple.
3. Occold, near Eye. Eye is a village in the arse-end of nowhere. Occold is even smaller and 2 miles away. Sheesh.
4. Cambridge. Highest geek concentration in Europe, no doubt. What’s the collective noun for geeks? I dunno. A Python of geeks?

Four TV shows I love

1. The West Wing. “Margaret!” (R.I.P. John Spencer.)
2. Catterick. “I concealed my pistol in my tooperware box.”
3. Green Wing. “Creeping Jesus, these were supposed to have been weshed!”
4. F1. “Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooow!”

Four places I’ve vacationed

1. Morzine. A proper Alpine resort. A bit low, maybe, but Avoriaz next door fixes that.
2. Banff. Great terrain and a choice of sushi joints in town. Shame they can’t organise the lift passes properly.
3. San Luis Obispo. Lovely company and a fantastic base to explore the West Coast. Boo Boo Records, McCarthy’s Pub, barbeque ribs at Farmer’s Market.
4. Tuscany. Beautiful scenery, majestic food and wine, fantastic architecture and culture.

Four of my favorite dishes

Let’s face it, this could be easily just four of my favourite kinds of sushi, but I’ll try and mix it up a little…

1. Toro nigiri. No, Inari. Wait – soft shell crab. But what about a nice spicy tuna Temaki?
2. Teri Aki special salad.
3. Spaghetti Carbonara. There’s some controversy about whether it should include cream, but when I cook it, it does, and I like it that way.
4. Em’s Nice Salmon. Not the snappiest title, but the dish is superb. Baked salmon fillets covered in home-made basil pesto. Mmmmm…

Four sites I visit daily

1. Get Fuzzy
2. Dooce
3. The Register
4. Last.fm

Four places I would rather be right now

1. At the Nyon side of Morzine, either Charniaz or Chamossiere. Balanced on a plank.
2. Watching Forest win for a change.
3. Vegas. For a weekend – no more.
4. Somewhere new. A great city I’ve not seen yet – maybe Prague or Vienna or something. With the camera bag, of course.

Five people I am tagging

Doing what now?